


Picking up the Broken Pieces

by Icantwrite88



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: And has Feelings, Don’t read if that triggers you, Monika is more of a yandere than Yuri, Refrences to self harm, Sayori is a saint, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags May Change, The protagonist is aware of himself, refrences to suicide, the author wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-03-29 01:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 8,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13916094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icantwrite88/pseuds/Icantwrite88
Summary: The protagonist becomes aware that he is just that, the protagonist. Someone who is controlled by a force he can’t even see. So can he fix what is broken in this cruel game?





	1. Chapter 1

He woke up in a cold sweat. Pixels flew around him, everything was glitching. This wasn't real. This wasn’t real. Nothing’s real. Sayori isn’t real. His collections aren’t real. He isn’t real. Everything is a lie. He held onto his knees and rocked back and forth. He didn’t want to go outside. He knows what happens when he goes outside. Everyone dies. Everyone. 

He didn't want to deal with them knowing that they died somehow. He can’t see Sayori’s face again. He… can’t stand the fact that soon she will be hanging herself. Who was he exactly? What was he. He didn’t have a name. He doesn’t know who he is as a person. This… this is fucked up. He hauled up in his room, refusing to face the people he cared about. Two hours later, there was a knock on his door. 

“Um… it’s Sayori! Can I come in? You haven’t been at school today and I was kinda worried about you…” A piano plays in the background. She’s watching. Shit… He stays silent, hoping, praying that that bitch doesn’t fuck anything up like she did before. The table glitched, and the piano became disoriented. “I’m fine Sayori, just sick, go home.” He rushed out. Sayori let out a soft okay and said to call her if somethings wrong. Can he even call her in this world?

Suddenly, he could see a screen that asks for The Player, the one who controlled him, the one who technically was him. Well… not anymore. He pressed okay, a tingling sensation went through his hand. Weird… Another one popped up asking for him again. This time, there was a glitched tab. When he touched it, a keyboard popped into his hands. He typed that he was and was not the player, or… he thinks he is. A screen pops up that said “Your the person who was supposed to represent the player?” He types back “Yes. Monika. And I know what you did.” Then out of nowhere, everything turns dark, and he was killed into something like sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When he wakes up he’s in his room again. The same link screen pops up. It asked for the player… again. Can she handle one moment without caring about the stupid player? He presses okay. Another screen pops up. What have you done to the player, it asked. Glitched out piano music started to play. He shrugged and pressed okay. There was a pause before another screen popped up. “Meet me at school.” He nodded. Everything around him turned black and a notebook appeared in front of him. This was where he was supposed to write poems, right? But doesn’t that show up after going to the club itself? Weird… 

He sighed. What should he right about? Who should he address it to? He shook his head. Addressing the poems to people was the problem in the first place. He decided to pick words that related to him. After he picked 20 words, everything blacks out. He wakes up in his bed. Now he had to go face the person who killed all of his friends. He exited his house to see Sayori standing near his fence. “Hey! I just thought that I should wait for you here since you were sick.” 

“Thanks Sayori, but I’m fine. I can walk by myself.”

“Oh… okay…” He walked ahead of Sayori. Was that the wrong thing to do? How would that affect Sayori? Damnit. He looked back to a disappointed Sayori. Aw shit… “Wait, Sayori! You can walk with me. It’s fine.” Sayori quietly walked beside him. “I’m sorry, Sayori. I’m probably gonna be ass these next few weeks. I’ve…” He sighs. “Something I don’t want to talk about right now.” Sayori nodded. They awkwardly walked together to school. Funny thing is, no one was there. They were the only people in the facility. It wasn’t like Sayori noticed. She wasn’t programmed to notice. Neither was she, but overridden the code, somehow. “Sayori, you’re in a club right? Can I join?”

“You… you want to join the literature club, right?”

“Yeah.” 

“Oh, then come to room 302 after class okay!” Sayori happily skipped out the door. He sighed. He sat in the empty classroom, and closed his eyes. How the hell did he not notice these things around him? The bell suddenly rings. He’s been here for 5 minutes! How did the bell ring so early? He got up and made his way to room 302, thus marking the day he sold his soul to some overbearing bitch.


	3. Chapter 3

The piano grew louder in the background as he pushed opened the door. “Sayori, you didn’t tell me you were bringing in a boy!” Natsuki huffed. “O-oh! Welcome!” Yuri lifts her head slightly from the book. Images of Yuri stabbing herself and laying in her own pool of blood and Natsuki’s neck snapping into an unusual angle flashed through his head. He felt sick. He put his hand towards his mouth, hoping to stop the vomit from coming out his mouth. 

“Are you okay? Do you need to go home? You don’t have to stay here you know…” Sayori hugged him, but all he could feel was the lifeless cold hands touching him. He flinched from Sayori’s touch. He has to get out of here, he has to- He bumps into something, or someone. “Protagonist? What are you-“ He throws up on Monika. 

He couldn’t deal with this right now. He needed to leave. He wants to leave. He can’t face the person who murdered his friends. He can’t face the people he calls his friends. Does he even have friends at this point? “G-get a-away from m-me!” He shouted at the group of girls. They surrounded him. There was no escape. His world started to spin. He can’t… he won’t… not again, not a-

He passes out.


	4. Chapter 4

He wakes up in a bed. Sun streamed from the windows, letting a warmth blanket him. Where was he? His head hurts. “He’s waking up you guys!”

“S...Sayori?”

“Don’t ever pass out on me like that!”

“Sorry…Where am I?”

“The nurses office. I carried you in.”

“Protagonist?” That voice… he knows that voice. _Monika_. He looks around to see Yuri and Natsuki here. The whole club was there. “What the hell was that all about! You just freaked out out of nowhere! That’s weird!”

“Natsuki don’t say that…”

“Why not?! We were the ones who had to clean up your mess and it stinked! I know you’re just saying that to be polite Yuri!”

“Because it’s the right thing to do!”

“To hell with the right thing to do! You’re just a wuss who can’t stand up for yourself!”

“EVERYONE BE QUIET!” Sayori yelled, which she rarely does. “My best friend in the whole world is not in a good place right now, so I or he doesn’t need you two arguing. And yeah, that’s kind of rude Natsuki. Stop it.” Both girls glared eyes at each other, but didn’t say anything about that.

“Anyways…” She started, “Mind telling us what that was about?” He shook his head. “You ever want to talk about it?” He shook his head again. “You want to go home?” He nodded. He didn’t want to deal with them, not today. “I’m going to go get your stuff okay?” Sayori got up from her seat. “I’ll help!” Both Yuri and Natsuki joined in. They all left the room leaving only him and Monika. There was an apparent stain on her uniform. At least he did something to her for messing with his friends. “Thanks for barfing on me, protagonist.” She snapped her fingers. She glitched for a moment until it stopped. The stain was gone, and her clothes looked good as new. “You’re welcome asshat.”

“You know, with how much power I have, you shouldn’t be making such threats.”

“With how much power you have, you should be using it for good instead of your selfish wants.”

“What did you do with the player?”

“I didn’t do shit. Maybe he was tired of seeing your face staring at him.”

“I’ll ask again nicely, what did you do to the player?”

“Again, I don’t know.” They stared each other in the eye before Sayori bursted into the room. “I’ve got your stuff, are you ready to go?” Monika scowled, the flashed a smile at Sayori. “He was just telling me how his condition is worsening! It’s simply terrible. Monika nudged his leg sharply with her elbow. “Uh… Y-yeah. I have a really bad headache right now…”

Sayori grabbed his arm to help him us. “Let’s go home. And this time, I’m taking care of you, okay? No excuses!” As Sayori dragged him out the door, he looks at Monika who gave him a thumbs down, and waved goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayori is a good friend. Monika is a bitch.

The walk home was torture. Distorted piano and glitching plagued the world. Sayori glitched out once, changing her speech into a glitched out “ **GODDDD DAMNIT** ” She’s trying to find a way to delete him. But maybe trying to get rid of him wasn’t going to be as easy as she thought it would. Finally, the glitching stopped and a normal piano played in the background. Finally, she stopped. Took her long enough… He gladly flipped off the sky, hoping it pissed her off. Distorted piano starts to play and he trips on something. He falls face first and slid slightly on the ground. Fuck You Monika… “Oh my gosh are you okay?”

“M’fine.” He mumbled into the ground. “I swear, you’re becoming into me. Now let me help you get up.” He stands up and automatically, his face, knees, and hands stung. He looked down to see they’re bleeding. When he looks up, he doesn’t see Sayori, he sees Yuri, staring at him with pale, lifeless eyes. His clothes are drenched in her blood. He can’t move. _He can’t he can’t he can’t he can’t he can’t._ Suddenly, her cold hands reached out to her. He couldn’t shake her off because she couldn’t move.

“SNAP OUT OF IT!” Yuri changed into Sayori. It’s only Sayori. He breaks down into tears. “I-I...I-I-I…” Sayori pulled him closer to her. “ _Don’t say a word._ You don’t have to explain to me anything, or talk about feelings, or anything, cause I know that only makes it worse, but please… Don’t think of me as someone you’re burdening. And for God’s sake, don’t say sorry!” Sayori lifted him up and carried him all the way home. She opened the door to his house (she has his extra key that for some reason, she never loses, but loses her keys all the time.) and immediately went to the bathroom. Sayori rested him on the toilet seat. She dug through the medicine cabinet, throwing all the supplies she didn’t need to the floor.

“Sayori, you really don’t have to-“ He was cut of when her index finger touched his mouth. She finally found the alcohol after pitching most of the contents in the cabinet. She poured some on a paper towel. “This might sting a bit.” He hissed when she dabbed the paper towel on the cuts that littered his body. After what felt like hours, she threw the bloody tissue away, and carefully wrapped and bandaged all of the cuts on his skin. She picks him up again and carries him up the stairs. “How do you carry me like this? Isn’t it supposed to be the opposite?”

“I’m stronger than you think I am.” She flicked a finger on his forehead. She opens the door to her bedroom and places him on the bed. “Why can’t I go in _my_ house and sleep in _my_ bed?”

“Because it helps to not be alone, even if it’s just sitting in silence.” Sayori covered him in her cutesy blankets, which were surprisingly comfortable, with all the decorations on it. “Thanks Sayori. You’re like the only person I really trust right now.”

“What are best friends for?” He falls asleep before he could answer that.


	6. Chapter 6

Not a chapter, but I need help on deciding what the Protagonist’s name shall be. It would be a huge favor if you put name suggestions in the comments! I’m thinking about Matt or Mathew, but wanted to get a variety of names to choose from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I choose your name, I’ll give you a shoutout in the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

He wakes up to the smell of burning. That could only mean one thing: Sayori was attempting to cook. Shit… A screen popped up before he went to stop Sayori in whatever madness she was doing in the kitchen. It asked for his name. At the beginning of the game, that should’ve been the first screen to pop up, but since the player isn’t there, or the code glitched out, they couldn’t give him a name, or call themselves who they’re supposed to be in the game. What should he name himself? Why does naming have to be so hard? What about something that means nothing, cause it’s kinda what he is. A soulless husk that was supposed to be someone who he really isn’t, but that’s way to edgy. Maybe something cute, but then that would be weird, and Monika would most definitely judge him for it. He can’t really choose something cool, he isn’t really a cool person (if he still counts as one). He finally settled down with John Doe. It was simple, yet unique…kinda. From now on, his name shall be John Doe. Just from him, _John_ , naming himself, he felt like as if he were a person too.

“Were you trying to burn the house down?”

“No… I was trying to make pancakes for you… With the smiley face on it, like how you would always make when we were little.” John felt like he remembered doing something like that, but the memories became fuzzy. “Thanks Sayori, but I’m not hungry right now. And please… don’t try to burn down the house, especially if I’m sleeping.” Sayori pouted. She ran off into the kitchen, hopefully trying to clean up the mess she made… hopefully. He sat down on the couch and sighed. He could go home and check if his manga collection is actually real, but he knows it’s probably not. Suddenly, a book falls into his lap. It glitches out a little, but stopped after a few seconds. What the hell? A piano started to play. Shit, he couldn’t let Monika see this! He stuffed the book behind a pillow and flipped off Monika, wherever the fuck she was. Suddenly, a pillow fell on top of him (thankfully not the one hiding the book). A screen popped up in front of him.

 _Fuck you_! It stated. “Well fuck you too bitch.”

“Who are you talking to?” Sayori peeked her head out of the kitchen. The screen disappears and the piano stops. “NO ONE!”

“Okay…?” Sayori vanishes into the kitchen. Another screen pops up.

_“You really need to work on your lying skills.”_


	8. Chapter 8

John held the book in his hands and stared at the front page. It was a manga, Fairy Tail, the first issue. It’s a actual book. There were books in Sayori’s room, sure, but none of them were actual reads, just bits of code flying across the page. This one was real though. With words, pictures, and… book-y. Monika couldn’t find out about this. She might think that he, or even worse the player, hacked this book into existence. He couldn’t deal with that. She might go bitch crazy again. John read the small book 5 times in a row. He was fascinated by the characters and their struggles, though that’s probably how the Player is when looking at them. “You know, if you do exist, why don’t you show yourself already?” Suddenly, another book fell from the sky. This time, it was the second issue of Fairy Tail. “Oh, so it _is_ you.” John mumbled. “Well fuck you for absolutely ruining my life.” John didn’t complain about the books though, and read them silently on the couch.

He didn’t realize he fell asleep on Sayori’s couch. He slowly lifted his eyes to see Sayori getting ready to get out the house. “Sayori where are you going?” He quietly asked. “School.”

“Wha- Sayori! I want to go to school too!” He whined. “Are you sure you want to go to school?” He nodded. “Fine, but if you feel like going home, then that’s okay too.” He quickly ran to his house, took a shower, put on the other uniform he had, and together they rushed to school. They both entered the still empty classroom. The both of them sat down in the chair and stared at the invisible teacher in front of them. He fell asleep, because what other interesting thing is going to happen? The bell rang, and Sayori pinched him on the cheek. “You really shouldn’t sleep through class John! What will you do when you get to college? Now I sound like you when you’re lecturing me!”

“M’sorry Sayori…”

“Good. Now then, I have to leave. I gotta get to my club.”

“Let me go with you.” Sayori paused. Her face changed from surprise, to worried. “I are you sure? I mean…”

“Yeah, i'll be fine. I was just having a bad day, that’s all.”

Sayori looked at him one last time and sighed. He walked to the same classroom that the club was in. He enters in when everyone is reading. “Hello! _John_.” Monika lifted up her head from her book and smiled. “Ugh why is he here again? He’s so annoying…”

“Well I for one, am happy you’re back.” Yuri smiled at him and immediately went back to her book. Sayori went by the bookcase to pick out a book to read. Monika pushed out the chair next to her and smiled. “Sit here!” John sighed and took a seat next to Monika. “I need to speak to you.” She whispered. “ _Alone_.”


	9. Chapter 9

Monika dragged him out into the hallway. “Today, _we’re_ going to take a look into the files.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well you don’t have a choice in that either.”

“What are you gonna do if I don’t?”

“Well… you could say sayonara to Sayori!”

“...Fine.”

Monika grinned. “Come on, we can’t do this here. Let’s go to the men’s bathroom.”

“But you’re a…”

“There is no other men in this school. Besides, none of them have the guts to walk in there.” Before John could protest even more, Monika already dragged him into the bathroom. She locked the door and sat on the floor. She held out her hand and the area around it glitched. A white screen pops up. “What the hell is that?”

“The file… or our file at least… This is how I hack and monitor our game world. Pretty cool huh?”

“Pretty stupid…” John mumbled.Monika seemed to be too tied up in her hacking to respond. John sat down next to her and watched as she opened file after file. John was bored out of his mind. He felt himself dropping in and out of sleep, but could honestly care less if he fell asleep or not. “THERE!” Monika pointed to the file and woke John up in a start. The file had no name. When Monika opened it, he saw only two things in there, two EPUB files, both named FAIRY TAIL. “I don’t know how these got there… But the only people here who even speak word of manga is you and Natsuki, and _you’re_ the only one who’s actually sentient. So… Did you add this to the game?”

“No…” He has an idea of who it was, but kept his mouth shut. He didn’t need Monika breathing down his neck or messing with any of his friends. She sighed, and the screen flickered and disappeared. “Oh well… And please… try to get better at lying.” Monika left the bathroom. John ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

“Why…” He started. “Why go through all that trouble just for a stupid book? Why are you there yet you never say anything? I hate you… I really do. You make my life miserable… I wish… I wish you were dead…” His voice cracked at the last line. He hated this… every single part of this… He hated having to fear being deleted, or anyone he loved being deleted. He hated living in a fake world where nothing he did, or didn’t do, mattered. He hated having a psychotic bitch breathing down his neck. John quietly cried and curled in on himself. He hated this… very, _very_ much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I do another POV besides John?


	10. Chapter 10

John was acting weird these past few days. Always at the club, or with Monika, or locked up in his room. As his best best best (maybe minus one best) friend, it was her job to find the root of it. Sayori rang the doorbell. John opened up the door, he was in his boxers and had a crumpled up shirt on. “Hi Sayori…”

“Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah…?” He’s so lucky that it was Saturday… isn’t this supposed to be something he yells at her for? Strange… Sayori rolled her eyes and proceeded into the living room. It was concerningly messy, and John tends to be an organized person. There were books from his manga collection littered on the floor, a pillow was thrown on the floor along with a blanket, and basically anything that shouldn’t really be on the floor was there. “This room is a mess.”

“Says you…”

“John I’m worried for you.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m fine.”

“That’s a lie and we all know that.”

“It’s not a lie, it’s the truth.”

“You’re lying! Don’t think I don’t know! I might be a clutz and an airhead, but I know when my friends are feeling off or upset!”

“ _I’m fine._ ”

“John I’m here for you, if you could just-“

“ _I’M FINE._ ”

Sayori shut herself up. Out of all the years that she knew him, that she loved him, he has never, ever, _ever_ raised his voice against her. Sayori slowly backed away from John. “Wait, Sayori I’m-“

“No...no it’s okay, I’m just sticking my head into other people’s business, I’ll leave.”

“Sayori, please, don’t leave.”

“I’m not gonna bother you anymore.” Sayori walked out the front door, took one last look at John, and closed the door behind him. She shouldn’t have never tried to talk to him. If John wanted to be alone then she should respect that. She shouldn’t have ever asked in the first place. If John wanted space, then space he’ll get, even if it hurts her. After all, she’s really good at giving people space.


	11. Chapter 11

Sayori has been avoiding him after his outburst. Every attempt to apologize only made Sayori leave or make an excuse to leave. He was worried for her. Especially since… he needed to apologize. John couldn’t concentrate on reading his book without guilt swarming around in his head. Monika slid her desk over to him, invading all personal space that was there. “Sooooooooo… what did you do to Sayori? Did you tell her to die? Hit her? Fu-“

“Finish that sentence and I will murder you.”

“Then what did you do to her?”

“None of your business Monika. Now go away.”

“Well I’ve been known to be quite a noisy person, so now I need to know!” John got up and dragged Monika outside. “What do you want Monika?”

“Nothing but your suffering.”

”Why can’t you just be nice to me?”

”Because you took away the player from me.”

”I took away the player from you?!”

”Yes, _John_ you’re the reason why he’s not here. So I’m going to make each of your lives miserable, you, Yuri, Natsuki, and Sayo-“

John punched Monika in the face. “ _Why?_ Why must you act like this. I don’t even know if I’m a person, I don’t even know if these are my thoughts! I yelled at my best friend, probably my only true friend in this stupid fake world, something that I never wanted to do… All you ever done is hurt, and tease, and torture the only people who actually give a shit about you. Maybe this is why the player left… Cause of you.”

John walked away from Monika, who had a bruise on her cheek. He exited the school, and heard a piano, it was muted, but it was still there. “Stop following me.” But the piano continued to play. “ _Just stop._ ” He gritted out, yet the piano continued to play. John gripped at his hair and muttered for her to _stop, please stop._ Something touched him, the piano growing louder. “D-don’t touch me…” John gritted out. He closed his eyes, hoping that that someone would just go away. He felt himself be picked up. “Who…?”

“It’s just me John. It’s just me. Sayori.”


	12. Chapter 12

She was carried all the way to Sayori’s house. She placed him down on her bed and sat on the floor. “Remember when you had to carry me to the nurse’s office when I fell down in Kindergarten?”

“How could I? You cried the whole time…” Sayori chuckled. “The tables have turned, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“John… You’ve been acting… weird…”

“Sorry… Just have a lot of things on my mind.”

“Then tell me about it! You’re always distant, and sad, and secretive… I miss when you were happy… I never know how to approach you either. You say you’re fine but you really aren’t! I don’t care how secretive you are about it… or how bad it is… Just… don’t keep me in the dark…”

“...Okay. I’ll tell you. But you must promise not to say a word to anyone. Not Natsuki, not Yuri, definitely not Monika, no one.”

“Okay…” He put his head into his hands. Was he really going to go through with this? He was going to tell his best friend about all the horrors that Monika put them through, and that their world is a lie. Well… maybe not all of it… but it’s still something she shouldn’t have to think about. He takes a deep breath. “I… I know something you don’t. So does Monika… it’s bad, and scary, and it keeps me up at night.”

“What do you know?”

“I don’t want to say what…”

“That’s fine, John.”

“Okay… and through this knowledge, we could do things to this world… well, I don’t know how, but Monika sure does… and through those powers, She… she hurt you. And Yuri, and Natsuki, and me, and eventually… herself. Now she restarted this world to the exact day I joined that club. None of you remember anything of the past… None of you know how much… pain…”

“Hey, hey… it’s okay…”

“I hate her. I hate her so much…” Sayori pulled him into a hug. “She can’t hurt you here.”

“That’s what you don’t get! She’s always listening she’s always there, just behind the corner. She-“ The piano. “She what?” He covered Sayori’s mouth. Sayori protested, but he didn’t move his hand. Sayori pushed his hand away from her mouth. “John, what the he-“ John rolled his eyes and kissed her. Of course she wouldn’t kiss him back, but it didn’t matter anyways. It was the only way to shut her up. The piano immediately stopped and John pulled away.

Sayori attempted to say something, but it ended up in fits of stutters. “Sorry, but you wouldn’t shut up.”

“I uh… w-what?”

“Did you hear a piano?” She shook her head. “That means only I could hear it… basically if there’s a piano playing, then she’s listening… I’m not crazy. You’re looking at me like I’m crazy! I’m not… _I’m not..._ ”

“I didn’t say you were! It’s just that Monika, and she did bad things, a-and you k-kissed me…”

“Look it meant nothing, I just needed a way to shut you up.”

“Oh…” Sayori looked down to the ground. Shit… he totally forgot that Sayori likes him. Likes likes him. And he kissed her. And now he turned her down in the rudest way possible. “Sayori… I’m sorry… I’m such an asshole.” Tears brimmed his eyes. He couldn’t do anything right. He doesn’t know what and what not to do… maybe… maybe it’ll be good if he just… disappeared. Maybe everything would go back to normal and they could be happy… Sayori would be much better without him… “I should’ve never said anything… I’m going home…” He stood up and headed for the door. “What?! No, no no no… John, it’s fine.”

“No it’s not Sayori…”

“Yeah it is! If Monika is so dangerous and she was listening, who knows what she could’ve done!”

“I’m sorry…” John ran out of Sayori’s house. What the hell was he thinking?! He didn’t like her. In another time, he did. He did like her. He loved her. He meant what he said when she confessed to her, even if the Player controlled his actions. But now… What’s the point of loving when it is all a lie, a ruse made just for the point of entertainment? He ran into his house, which he now leaves unlocked, cause there’s no threat trying to come into his house. He locked the door, so that Sayori wouldn’t see the mess he was in. He curled up onto his couch, looking at the mess on the floor. All he could hear is that sickening piano, playing the same tune over, and over again.

He looked back on everything he did before. He punched Monika in the face, kissed his best friend just to “shut her up”, can’t even take care of himself anymore to the point where he has to be reliant on others…

He may hate Monika a lot, but now… he hates himself way more than he ever could for a human being.


	13. Chapter 13

The club was more silent than usual. Monika sat in the corner, quietly reading some book. Natsuki and Yuri were quiet as well. Sayori took a seat next to Monika. She didn’t care about what she did. All she needs is some answers. Monika buried her head into the book she was reading when she approached. “Hey.” Monika gave no response. “ _Hey._ ”

“I’m not in the mood to talk Sayori. Go away…” Monika mumbled, her voice was horace. “But I need to talk to you.” She shook her head. She didn’t want to do this, but it’s time to pull out the threats. “I’ll tell everyone about your little secret.” Monika lifted her eyes from the book. They were red and stricken with fear. She got up and went into the hallway. Sayori followed her. She had her back turned around from her. “How much do you know…”

“Well, I know you did something bad, made us all forget, and have powers that I don’t know about.” Monika clenched her fists. “Why would he ever tell you that?” Her voice sounded more aggravated than before. “B-Because he’s my best friend! I was worried Monika! He made the conscious decision to tell me, maybe it was part of the truth, but he told me!”

“Should’ve never have done that.” She mumbled something that she couldn’t catch. She slowly stepped away from Monika. “What… what are you planning?” Monika drily laughed. “To think I felt sorry for him.” Sayori took a break for it, but was stopped by an invisible wall. She tried to push it but nothing happened. She screamed for help but nothing happened. She turned around to see Monika holding a glitched out object.

This is where she’s going to die… She’s going to die. She closed her eyes and awaited the sudden pain…

That never came… She slowly opens her eyes to see John, taking the blow for her. “JOHN!” He was bleeding, god there was so much blood… This… This is madness! “Hey… Sayori…”

“Don’t talk, just focus on breathing or something.”

“m’sorry… I didn’t make it her-“ He started to cough. “Don’t speak just breathe!” Monika backed away from him, but still clutched the object in her hand. “Hold onto me…”

“Okay, I can do that. Okay.” She held onto his shoulders and the area around them started to glitch. “ _Sayonara Bitch._ ” John growled out and they were in his room. “WHA-“

“Sayori shut up for a second…” He pulled up something that looked like a file. He pressed something and opened up music. A cheery song plays in the background. “That’ll… keep her… out…” John collapsed on the floor. “Should I call the hospital? But then John did something to keep Monika out… do we have medical supplies? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HEAL THAT?!” Sayori gripped at her hair. Okay she could do this.

One, she is not going to break down and cry today, nope. Two, you’re gonna pick him up and put him on the bed. Three, pray and hope that there is a first aid kit in his bathroom…

Out of nowhere, a screen pops up. _Heal?_ It said with an OK at the bottom. “Yeah! I want that, but who says your not Monika or something!”

_Not Monika. Heal? Now. Quickly_

Sayori pressed the okay and held her breath. The cheery music glitched out. John started to glitch out, pixels flying everywhere, then silence. She slowly pulled off John’s shirt to see a scar on his shoulder, as if the cut wasn’t there anymore. She sighed with relief. Thank god whoever did that… She placed him on the bed and threw the bloody T-shirt in the wash. She sat at the edge of the bed as John peacefully slept.

Today was crazy. She could’ve died and everything’s glitchy and Monika… Monika’s insane. No wonder he had such a big reaction to her. She touched her lips, the same lips he kissed her on. It was also the reason why he kissed her. She knows it didn’t mean anything but… _it meant everything._ Even if it was to shut her up. She’s liked him for years… Since 7th grade, and that’s saying something since they have been friends since kindergarten. He’s kind, logical, and responsible. He always makes her feel cared for, always protecting her.

She’s never done anything in return… Yet here he is, knocked out after blocking her from a knife. She doesn’t deserve him…

Then there’s Monika… She started the club and she blindly joined in. She thought it would be fun, and a great bonding experience or whatnot. She always acted nice to her, to John, to Natsuki and Yuri… Now she knows that she’s some crazy person who was given powers by some dumb guy.

She holds John’s hand in intertwines his fingers with hers. She’s going to get to the bottom of this. And she’s going to protect John, even if that means putting herself in danger.


	14. Chapter 14

John shot up from his bed. He put his hands on his shoulder. No blood, no bandages, just his skin. What the fuck… He looked around his room and didn’t see Sayori. His mind immediately went back to the sight of Sayori’s dead body, her lifeless eyes… “SAYORI?!” John ran downstairs, only to see Sayori getting a bowl of cereal. “Sayori, what the fuck?” She laughs nervously and holds up a box of Captain Crunch. “Cereal?” John facepalmed himself. “Eat it in my room where I can see you.”

“Yes sir!” Sayori grabbed her bowl of cereal and ran upstairs, John following close behind her. He shut the door and locked it. He moved his dresser to block the door. He shut the windows and moved his bed in front of one. He opened the game file and pressed the character files. When he did, it started to glitch out. He pressed Monika’s file and grabbed it from his hand. He slightly bended it, wondering what it would do. “What are you-“ Sayori glitched out.

The world around him glitched out.

A screen of white surrounded him, suffocating him. Sayori was hanging, swaying to an invisible wind. Everything glitched back and John gasped for air. He looked at Sayori, who was just as thrown off as him. “I… I hung myself…” She whispered. “I _killed_ myself John…” John looked to the spilled cereal. Why would… Why would she do something like that? He helped... He’s here... Why… _why?_ John broke into tears. “I’m sorry… I was… I couldn’t… I should’ve…”

“Oh John!” Sayori wrapped her arms around him. The two cried and hugged each other. They mumbled apologizes and comforting words to each other. He didn’t even notice when a note fell on the floor. They pulled apart from each other and reads the note that was ever so neatly folded up.

_You can’t delete any files. You’ll die. The game will crash and I don’t think that I could fix that. Anyways, you know me, I’m practically am you. And I’m sorry for your “circumstance”... Which is why I’m giving you a consciousness! And you can spread the word! I mean, that’s the plan… I didn’t expect Monika to go all yandere over me, which it weird, cause all I am is just some nerdy fatass. Plus I don’t like chicks like that… So if you see her, tell her to chill? But uh… since she’s like a crazy mf, you might want to get Yuri. She could hack her to her yandere side again, so… yeah…_

_P.S: No touchy game files, unless like for threats, not the real thing though._

_P.S.S: Sayori you’re a wonderful person, don’t stop being you, best waifu, 10/10, love ya!_

_P.S.S.S: John, buddy… You exist. You and everyone around you is real. Don’t ever stop believing that. Oh wait shit, I’m running out of spa-_

The note ends there. “Who wrote that? What does it say?” Sayori points to the letter. He opened the file and moved one of the files, making the world slightly glitch. “Maybe you’re not so bad after all…” John muttered to himself. “What did you say?” Sayroi tilted her head. John crumpled up the note and stuffed it in his pockets. “We’re going to get Yuri.” Sayori nodded. “I know where she lives…”

“Then we better hurry.” John pulled on a random T-shirt, and Sayori tried (and failed) to fix herself. The two got out the house and walked towards the direction Sayori claims that Yuri’s house is in. “John?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Are you?”

“I mean, it’s kind of traumatizing to see yourself dead… but enough of me, how are you?”

“Sayori, if anything you have every right to talk about this and your view on this situation. I dragged you in on this one. I… I should’ve never told you…” Sayori didn’t respond, and John didn’t care. He did dragged her in on this mess. Now Monika is ready to kill them, maybe even destroy the game… His a sharp pain from his shoulder made him take a sharp breath. “Are you okay?” Sayori supported him, but he pushed her away. “I’m fine…” Sayori worriedly looked at him, but continued walking.

They finally arrived at Yuri’s house which was, respectfully large. “Jesus, what is she rich?” Sayori chuckled. “Well… yeah. Her parents are hardly home though, but when they are, their the nicest people I've ever met.” John rang the doorbell. After a few tense minutes, Yuri opens the door ever so slightly. “Sayori? John?” Yuri stuck her nose out of the door. “We need to talk.” John tried to come in, but Yuri blocked the door. “Why? You guys look terrible! Were you crying? What happened?” The two looked at each other, then back at Yuri. “ _Please…_ ” Sayori put as much urgency in her voice as she can. “O-Okay… Come in…”


	15. Chapter 15

The house was just as huge on the inside as it was on the outside. The first thing John saw were huge staircases that split two ways. Pictures of people that resembled Yuri lined the walls. They went up the stairs and entered a room with a large purple bed. There was a white bookcase on one side, and a white desk with random things littered across them, one was a razor. Fuck were they too late?

He walked towards the table, picking up the razor. “D-Don’t touch that…” Yuri reaches for the razor but didn’t give it to her. He found a trash can and threw the razor in there. “What was that for?!”

“Bad memories… Now drop the subject…”

“You know what, no! You wanted to talk, so talk! Can I also add that you and Sayori look awful! I deserve explanations!”

John looked at the floor. He picked up the small white trash bin and carried it. He wasn’t letting it go. He wasn’t going to let Yuri hurt herself in any way. “It’s Monika…” John starts. “Monika… she stabbed me. In the shoulder. See.” John held his shirt to the side so that Yuri can see the scar there. Tears welled in her eyes and she covered her mouth. “Oh my god…”

“Yeah…”

“Today?”

“Yeah.”

“...How?”

John glances at Sayori who just nods. “Monika and I… have these… powers. They let me manipulate the ga- world. And she used them to stab me. And there’s someone who healed me and we can’t see them I guess… that’s why there’s a scar there…” Yuri looked at them like they are crazy. Who wouldn’t? John sighed and opened up the game file. Yuri gasped, but John didn’t pay attention to that.

He sees a tiny letter in the background that says “Oh God.” He opens it up to see a letter that was written by Monika. _“Oh god what was I thinking! Something just… came over me, and I don’t know why! I want to eradicate them, but I don’t want to either. Wait… this… I can’t help this… it’s… it’s in my coding. Fuck”_ Code followed after the the words.

“Monika… wrote that… she… she wants to kill us?! We need to get Natsuki, now. I know where she lives. I can’t believe it…” Yuri grips her arms. “She could just…”

“Delete us? Yeah…” John cuts her off. They sat in silence, all of them taking in everything that was said in the letter. John looked at Yuri who was picking her sleeves. John gritted his teeth. He couldn’t take not knowing. “Do you cut yourself Yuri?” Yuri looks at him with widened eyes. “O-Of course I don’t! W-Why would I-“

“Answer the truth Yuri…”

“I don’t want to!”

“So you are then!”

“No I’m not… no I’m not!”

“Liar!”

“I DON’T CUT BUT I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT OKAY?!” Sayori looked at her with worried eyes. She pleaded with the same eyes for John to stop. He reeled himself back, tears brimming his eyes. He remembers seeing Yuri’s cut up arms, fresh blood dripping from them. He remembers sitting there for days, looking at Yuri’s dead bloodied body. He gripped at his hair. _Stop._ He told himself. _Just stop._

Sayori walked over to him and hugged him. He looked at her, tears brimming his eyes. He didn’t deserve her… god he didn’t… John openly cried into Sayori’s arms. She shushed him as he slightly rocked back and forth. “It’s fine. We’re fine. Whatever happened before it’s not happening again. Okay?” John nodded but he didn’t believe her. John buried his head into his hands. “I’m a mess…”

“You’re okay. You’re not a mess.”

“I don’t deserve you…”

“You deserve a lot of things John. You’re good a person.”

“I’m not even _a_ person… I’m just a collection of code! Code Sayori! I don’t exist! And I hate it hate it hate it…”

Sayori shushed him again. He moved his hands a little to look at Yuri, her shocked expression clear on her face. John did his best to curl up in a ball. He didn’t even notice when the world around him started to glitch.


	16. Chapter 16

His breath hitches when he found himself in an unfamiliar bedroom. There was a white desk that had papers and pencils and a computer. He was sitting on a bed with green and white pillows and a green and white blanket. “John…” He voice was like poison. Monika was kneeling in front of him, her green eyes giving off fake hints of worry. “Get away! Getawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetaway…” John’s hands shook, fighting over weather to tug at his hair or wrap his arms around his knees and hide. “John I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

“...”

 

“You… you gotta listen to me.” John wasn’t listening. He wasn’t listening at all. She was just going to hurt him again. Hurt his friends. This all isn’t real. They’ll all die in the end. He can’t stop her. He’s useless.  _ Useless useless useless.  _ Everything around him became noise. His vision blurred. Breathing became hard to do. He was dying. He’s being deleted. Oh  _ god. _ He felt something touch him. He didn’t know if it was real or not. Everything around him is fake. He’s fake. A pawn. He doesn’t even have free will. He’s gonna die. He’s gonna die.

 

_ SMACK _

 

John touches the red spot on his cheek. It burns. That’s  _ real.  _ He looks up at Monika. She was crying, her hand still in the position to hit him. Why was she crying? Shouldn’t he be the one crying. Monika was going to kill him and his friends. When did she have the right to cry? “I’m not going to hurt you John. I swear on my life. This… this fake pixelated life.”

 

John gulps. “How… how can I believe you? You  _ stabbed  _ me. And hurt my friends. Made them do terrible things to themselves… you’re the last person I want to trust. I trust the player more than  _ you. _ ” He spits out, lacing his words with venom and hurt. Monika opens the file. She clicks on run 2. And there they were, Monika sitting in her chair, and him, bolted to the chair. He couldn’t move. “G-Get me out! Don’t want this! I don't want-“

 

They were back in Monika’s room. “WHERE’S SAYORI?!” 

 

“Here. Still alive.” She shows him the character file. Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki were still there. Good… The only people he trusts are still alive. “Why did you do that?” He asks. “To show that I’m programmed to be this way. I can’t help myself. I was made… I was made to kill my friends…” How funny.  _ Her friends.  _ How could she still consider them friends after her actions? “They’re  _ not  _ your friends.”

 

“Didn’t you listen to what I just said?! I can’t control my actions! It’s in my code to hurt them!”

 

“It’s in my code to be a projection for the player. And look where I am now.”

 

“What do you want me to say?! What will it take for you to forgive me! I’m sorry, okay!” Tears fell down Monika’s face, though to John they were fake. This is all  _ fake.  _ “Send me back. Let me tell Natsuki the truth. Let me get everyone away from you. Leave us alone.”

 

“I can’t do that John.”

 

“Then how could you earn my forgiveness if you can’t even do that? Let me go…” John ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. John tried kicking the door open, but nothing worked. He was at Monika’s mercy. “Can we just talk? Please… I just want to talk.”

 

“I don’t want to talk to you! I want to protect my friends!”

 

“I won’t delete anyone if we just talk.”

 

“You’re  _ insane. _ ”

 

“I might as well be…” John sat near the door, fidgeting with his hands. Monika sat on her bed, rubbing the tears off her face. “I don’t even love the player…” She says. “At first, I thought it was love. Now I know it’s just coding. And I believed my code. I thought I had free will, but now I know I don’t. You… you’re the only one here with free will. You give others free will. Sayori, and Yuri, and next is Natsuki… Which is why I wanted to talk to you. Maybe you’ll give me free will.”

 

“I can’t give you free will. Only I guess the Player can. I just made the others aware. You on the other hand are already aware, so it doesn’t matter.”

 

“So I could never be fixed? I’m broken?”

 

“This game is already broken…”

 

“ _ Oh god. _ ” Monika cups her mouth with her hands and sobs. Next thing he knows, is that he’s back in Yuri’s house.


	17. Chapter 17

He was met with Yuri and Sayori crying and hugging him. He couldn’t understand what they were saying. “Guys I’m okay… I’m okay…” That only increased their crying more. John sighed and just let it happen. They were probably scared to death by his disappearance. Fucking Monika… The crying started to settle down, but neither one of them let go of John. “Are you guys okay?” Both of them didn’t say anything. “Guys, did something happen?”

 

“I…” Sayori starts. “I killed myself again… But… In my room. I couldn’t stop myself… And you were there and crying and saying it was your fault and I couldn’t help you or say it’s not and I’m sorry…” That must’ve happened when Monika pressed route two… “Sayori…”

 

“I died too…” Yuri pipes up. “I was crazy… I can now see why you threw away my razor now… I sat there, for  _ three days.  _ And you just stood there. And Monika was there and Natsuki threw up… and then… I didn’t exist… that’s… That’s  _ scary…” _

 

“Yeah…” John agrees. When they all got deleted… just… like  _ that.  _ It is scary… to know that one day, a click of a button could make you disappear. John cleared his throat. “As much as I’d like staying here to get our thoughts together, we need to find Natsuki.” Both girls nodded. They made their way out the house, still recovering from the last glitch. Natsuki’s house was broken down. It wasn’t as nice as the other houses. A man, that John has never seen in game, coldly stares at them.He reeks of alcohol. “Who the fuck are you?”

 

“Natsuki’s friends.” 

 

“That damn bitch… Go away!” Then it clicked. “You’re Natsuki’s abusive father, aren’t you?” 

 

“Abuse! That damn bitch… Son, leave, before things get violent.”

 

“Let us through.”

 

“No!” John threw a punch at Natsuki’s dad. Natsuki’s dad fell to the floor, spitting out a tooth from his mouth. “You son of a-“ Another punch, then another. Next thing he knows, he’s strangling Natuski’s father. The girls pleaded for him to stop, but he couldn’t. Their voices were registered as noise to him. They suddenly pulled him away from the alcoholic man on the floor. Yuri smacks him. “What were you doing?!” He looks over to the knocked out man on the floor. He’s breathing. “He’s fine.”

 

“Fine?! You call being almost choked to death and punched in the face a couple of times fine?!” John shrugs. “Let’s just go and-“

 

“No John.” Sayori says quietly. “You really don’t feel any remorse for him? For hurting someone?” Sayori’s sweet scared eyes looked at him, not like how she’d look at John, no, how she’d look at a freak. He just wanted to get through. He just wanted this to be over. He didn’t want to- want to hurt anyone. He’s not a murderer. He’s not Monika… He’s not.  _ He’s not.  _ His mind refused to feel sorry for the unconscious man and he hated it. He crouched down near Natsuki’s dad, feeling for a pulse. It was weak, but there. His breathing is better than before. 

 

He’s going to be okay. He turns around and sees that the girls left him there. Figures… He’s a freak now… Tears filled up in his eyes. He’s such a freak… “M’sorry…” He sobbed out to no one.

  
  


Yuri pulled Sayori away from John after he knelt down over Natsuki’s dad. “I need to go help him.” She says, trying to pull out of Yuri’s grasp. “Are you trying to get yourself killed? John almost choked a guy to death!”

 

“He freaked out!”

 

“Yeah, he did! Which is why we’re getting Natsuki and getting out of here without him.”

 

“I refuse to leave John! He’s my best friend!”

 

“Your  _ best friend  _ strangled a dude!”

 

“My best friend took a knife to the chest for me! My best friend talked to me when no one else would! My best friend is always there for me! He cares about me! I’m not leaving without him!”

 

“Fine… Fine. But you’re staying by him then.” Yuri stormed towards Natsuki’s door. She struggled with opening it. “It’s locked… NATSUKI?! IT’S US!”

 

“Yuri?” A voice comes from the door. “Yeah…” Natsuki opens the door. “Jesus Christ… I just heard my dad fighting someone, and I didn’t hear him anymore, and I thought it was like a murderer or something… God, why didn’t you just tell me it was you in the first place! Scared me shitless… Also, what happened to my dad?”

 

“John choked him.” Yuri blurted out. “Wow… Our John?” They nodded. “Is he… dead?” They shook their heads. “Good for him then! But… why now? Why are you here?” 

 

“It’s better if John tells you… she mumbled.” They walked down the hallway to the living room. All they saw was the door open, Natsuki’s dad still knocked out on the floor, and John was missing.


	18. Not a chapter

Sorry this isn’t a chapter... I have been losing motivation for this story, and I don’t really feel like writing out anymore, I’ll put this story on a short hiatus until I get that motivation back. It’s not the end for it, but it might be a while until it comes back. I’ll take this down when it starts back again. Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Dirkapitation for giving the name for the protagonist, or John now! Also your comments really make my day, thank you!


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